Whenever it comes to talking about college to people in the North Shore area, for me, it’s rarely a positive experience. Every interaction has their fair share of squints, head tilts, and sympathetic or confused looks. Coming from Northbrook and having lived here my entire life, I know that I am looked at more closely by those in my community because it’s just how the competitiveness of this town works and I’ve known it for many years now. What I never knew though, was how much I was going to let members of society dictate what was “acceptable” and “successful” in regard to colleges that I could potentially be attending in the coming year and how much the prosperity of my friend’s families would impact my outlook on a college experience.
Out of all of my friends, I am the black sheep in regards to money. The first time I knew that my family wasn’t like my friend’s families was in seventh grade when my dad had lost his job and my mom brought me into her room and told me to start coping with the possibility that we might have to move. My house is a small, three bedroom home with one and a half baths. I thought to myself, “How can we not afford to live in a house that is the size of a postage stamp?”
Whenever I try to recall how I came about understanding how much pressure this area puts on where you go to college, I never forget the moment when I was talking to a close friend of mine about a college I was interested in and their response was: “you’re smarter than that school.” And the answer to that question is: perhaps. Perhaps I could compete at a “highly” regarded school, because it’s not my grades or my ACT scores that hinder my ability to apply, it’s the inability for my family to fund the tuition money.
When I heard my close friend say that I was smarter than that one particular school, my heart sank. I had found a school that I was interested in and was within the budget that I have for college—which is no easy task for meeting my own high expectations. Though it was a heart-wrenching experience that made me feel like I wouldn’t belong at any school, it allowed me to see a different perspective. I tried to see what the college process could be like from a kid who doesn’t understand how finances work or who doesn’t have to constantly think about budgeting on a daily basis. My family runs paycheck to paycheck and I’m not ashamed of it, but I am reminded daily that most families in Northbrook don’t have this same situation.
A tough pill to swallow was an understatement for how it felt to have my future dreams squandered—though I now know that my future is as bright as ever. Why did I work so hard when I can’t even afford colleges that my grades would get me into? What was the point of taking Honors and AP classes when upper-level schools that I would want to apply to I can’t go to because of money constraints? Why did I waste so much time stressing about grades and scores when I can’t go somewhere that I really want to go?
These thoughts still stay with me on a daily basis, but I am getting better at fighting them off and trying to make the college searching process a more enjoyable one. Just as Bobbie Harro writes, “We learn who gets preferential treatment and who gets picked on. We are exposed to rules, roles, and assumptions that are not fair to everyone” (48), I don’t get to choose the financial situation that I am in and I surely don’t want to be categorized as just another rich girl from the North Shore because that is far from my reality. I’m not asking for pity. I’m solely asking that you understand that my life isn’t like yours.
An interesting article to read that made me understand that it isn’t just me that feels this way about their financial situation in regard to college tuition:
Margaret's Momentos 